拉里大卫又上新闻了 Larry David is back in the news again.
没错 这位《宋飞正传》的联合制作人 That's right, the co-creator of Seinfeld
又干起了与人争吵的老行当 has returned to his contentious ways,
这次的战场是在零售业 this time in the retail arena.
接下来是NBC的乔希曼凯维奇发来的报道 Here's NBC's Josh Mankiewicz with more.
是的 我们都体验过差劲的服务 Look, we've all experienced bad service before,
但对于我们大多数人来说 也没有更好的解决办法 but for most of us, there's not much you can do about it.
最多在大众点评上写个差评 Maybe write a negative Yelp review,
或者干脆不要再去那家店了 or maybe you just don't go back to the place.
但是拉里大卫做出了不同的选择 But Larry David has chosen a different path.
这是乔家摩卡 This is Mocha Joe's,
坐落在洛杉矶西区的一家小咖啡店 a small coffee shop serving the Westside of Los Angeles,
而这是拉家拿铁 and this is Latte Larry's.
为什么两家咖啡店挨在一起？ Why two coffee shops right next to each other?
我们找到了当事人 试图寻找答案 We went to the man himself for answers.
我接受的服务是糟糕的 不公正的 I was wronged. I was mistreated.
我在隔壁点了一杯咖啡 I ordered a cup of coffee next door,
就这家乔家摩卡 结果乔希你知道吗 at this Mocha Joe's, and, Josh,
咖啡是凉的 the coffee is cold.
我有礼貌地请他们换一杯咖啡 I politely asked for another cup of coffee.
结果我被终身禁止进入他家店 我咽不下这口气 He banned me from the store. I couldn't live with it.
所以你开这家店完全是为了敌对？ So you're operating this place just out of spite?
是的 这就是一家敌对店 Yeah. It's a spite store.
我的确骂他是个又老又秃的疯子 我承认 I called him an old, bald nut. I mean, I cop to that.
但这家伙走进来 But the guy comes in here,
又是抱怨桌子 又是抱怨咖啡 complains about the tables, complains about the coffee.
你们家桌子是不是会摇呢？ Do you have wobbly tables?
嗯 有一两张会吧 但有啥大不了的？你用脚踩住就行了 Eh, one or two. But what's the big deal? You put your foot on it.
其他人都没在抱怨的 Nobody else is complaining.
如果他向你道歉 If he apologized,
你会退出咖啡行业吗？ would you get out of the coffee business?
如果是深刻、真诚的道歉 If it was a deep, heartfelt apology,
带点儿泪花的那种 with maybe a little tear...
"拉里 我的司康饼就像小松糕一样" "Larry, my scones are like muffins."
这句话他必须要说出来 这是底线 That would have to be included, of course.
好了 拉里说 只要你道歉... Okay, Larry says that if you would just apologize...
他就退出经营咖啡店 he could get out of business.
道歉？我道歉？不可能 终身禁止进店 没得商量 Apologize? Me? Never. A ban is a ban.
你有没有想过 问题可能在于 You ever think that maybe the problem is,
你抱怨得太多？ you were complaining too much?
我也不喜欢让别人不好过 我想帮忙的 I don't like to tear people down. I want to help.
比如说 你这条口袋方巾 Look, this pocket square you got going, there,
和你就很不搭 it looks out of place.
它适合英伦花花公子 That's for some English dandy.
不适合一个新闻工作者 It's not for a journalist.
你不觉得你这么说有点侮辱人？ You don't think that's kind of insulting?
不 一点都不会 No, not in the least.
嘿 如果你告诉我你不喜欢我的夹克或是啥的 Hey, if you told me you didn't like my jacket or something,
我就一点都不会介意啊 well, I, I wouldn't care.
事实上 我的确很不喜欢你的夹克 Actually, I, I really don't like your jacket.
哦 是吗？ Oh, is that so?
尽管拉里只是第一个开敌对店的人 And while Larry was the first to open a spite store,
但他随后在好莱坞掀起了一股潮流 he's since started a trend here in Hollywood,
许多明星纷纷效仿他的做法 with other celebrities following suit,
比如乔纳希尔 like Jonah Hill,
现在开了一家敌对熟食店 who's now operating a spite deli.
那个 你知道 我曾经经常去厄文熟食店 So, you know, I used to go to Irv's Deli,
就隔壁那家 一周去两三次 right next door, two, three times a week.
有次我在我的三明治里发现了一根头发 And I found a hair in my sandwich.
- 不是你自己的头发？ - 不是 - Not your hair? - No.
那根头发是灰色的 肯定不是我的头发 This was a gray hair. It wasn't my hair.
然后这个厄文就在那儿说 "哦 这是你自己的头发" And this guy Irv's going, "Oh, it's yours."
然后我就心想 我该咋解决这个问题呢 你说？ And I'm, like, what can I do, you know?
我 我气得睡不着觉 我得吃四五片安眠药才能睡着 I, I can't sleep. I'm taking four or five Ambien to get to sleep,
因为我一闭眼就是这个厄文的脸 'cause all I see is this guy Irv's face.
- 那最后怎么办呢？ - 办法就是我看到了拉家拿铁 - So what changed? - What changed was I had seen Latte Larry's.
敌对店真是一个绝妙的主意 The idea of a spite store's such a brilliant idea.
我决定开一家敌对熟食店 I'm gonna open a spite deli.
这本是起源于敌对的熟食店 What started off with spite
如今变成了一个全情投入的项目 has now become a passion project.
感谢光顾本店 Thanks for dining with us.
小费就三美元？ Three dollars?
你为了这个还拒绝了很多表演和导演的工作？ And you're turning down acting and directing gigs for this?
我在好莱坞还能追求个啥？ What's left for me in Hollywood?
拿个奖 或者其他乱七八糟的事？ Win some award or something, you know?
每次我看到一个曾经去厄文熟食店的人 现在来我的店 Any time I see a customer walk in here that used to go to Irv's,
我就像看到了一座人形奥斯卡奖杯走了进来 it's like my own tiny little human Oscar walking in here.
所以这就是你的人生大事了？ So this is your life now?
我正在考虑 I might actually open
在纽约再开一家敌对熟食店 a spite deli out in New York.
42号街有一家店 There was a spot on 42nd Street
对我有点不尊重 我考虑把他们搞垮 that was a bit disrespectful that I'm looking at taking out.
乔纳希尔不是唯一一个想着敌对的明星 Jonah Hill is not the only celebrity with spite on his mind.
这是雷家珍奇鸟类 This is Ray's Exotic Birds,
旁边是肖家珍奇鸟类 and this is Sean's.
后者已经变成了 It's become the place
买一只金刚鹦鹉或者筑巢蜂鸟的首选去处 to get a macaw, or a hummingbird nester.
我一直想买只会说话的鸟 I Had always wanted a talking bird.
所以我去了雷家的店 So I go to Ray,
就隔壁 just next door,
然后他把鸟卖给我了 and he sells me the bird.
结果那鸟不会说话 只会发出一些奇怪的声音 And the bird doesn't talk. It just sort of grunts.
所以我带着它去退货 雷说 "不能退货" So I go back to return it. He says, "No returns."
我说 "放屁" I said, "Bullshit."
因为他知道的 他知道那是一只哑巴鸟 'Cause he knew, he knew it was a mute bird.
然后我迟迟没有顿悟 And I'm on a kind of slow burn,
不知道该怎么办 not knowing quite what to do.
直到拉里开了那家咖啡店 Then Larry opens up the coffee place,
然后我恍然大悟 and it was like, ding, ding, ding.
肖家珍奇鸟类 Sean's Exotic Birds.
雷家立马倒闭了 It put Ray right out of business.
喏 这是一只风信子金刚鹦鹉 巴西品种 Here, this is a hyacinth macaw, from Brazil.
你想拿着它吗？ Would you like to hold him?
当然 Sure.
你在这里花的时间 Does all the time you're spending here
会影响你演戏吗？ take away from, you know, acting?
我这个人从来不是那种禅修的性格 I was never a very, Zen sort of personality,
但我发现我变得非常 非常平静 but I find myself very, very calm now.
我想 是这些鸟带给我的影响 I think, you know, it's the birds.
叫你妈叫！ Shut up!
所以下次如果你看到 So the next time you see
两家非常相似的店挨在一起 two similar stores right next to each other,
那很有可能其中一家就是敌对店 there's a pretty good chance one of 'em's doing it out of spite.
萨凡纳 霍达 镜头交回给你们 Savannah and Hoda, back to you.
英语字幕来源：opensubtitles.org 字幕翻译与制作：610/Yiran/LadyM/聊无/Crystal/744
消消气
- 啊 痛痛痛 - 这里痛是吗？ - Aah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It hurts right there?
- 现在试着弯腿 - 总之 这个人坐在电动轮椅上 - Now we're gonna bend it. - Anyway, the guy in the motorized wheelchair,
他在我的店里排队 he's on line at my store...
- 啊 不要再弯了 嗯 - 只能弯到那里 是吧 - Aah, that's plenty. Yeah. - Right there. Okay.
然后突然之间 他被催促的人引发了恐慌症 And all of a sudden, he gets beep panic,
- 开着轮椅撞向了我 - 难以置信 - and rolls right into me. - Unbelievable.
好了 所以你的膝盖是这么一个情况 你听仔细了啊 Okay, so here's the bottom line with your knee. Okay?
- 好的 - 你的半月板拉伤了 - Yeah. - You have a tear in your meniscus.
你知道 这东西如果要一次性治好 只能动手术 You know, if you want to fix this thing once and for all, you need surgery.
好吧？我做一台手术 All right? I go in there,
把你的半月板的损伤修复好 I, uh, I repair the tear in your meniscus,
你当天就能回家了 you're back home the very same day.
你需要在床上休养一周 You'll be in bed for about a week.
好吧 然后我们给你搞一副拐杖 Okay, then we'll get you on crutches.
然后经过两个月高强度的修复训练 Then after about two months of intensive everyday rehab,
你就能恢复正常了 焕然一新的膝盖 you'll be back to normal, good as new.
- 听起来如何？ - 不太行啊 - How does that sound? - Not so great.
你可以尝试其他方法 但你肯定会 You could do other techniques, but you're gonna be
在几个月后又回这儿来看腿 我向你保证 right back in this chair in a few months, I guarantee it.
我可不可以咨询一个... What if I got a...
第二方意见？ second opinion?
- 为啥呀？ - 就想看看... - Why? - Just to see...
别的医生可能会怎么说 what somebody else might have to say about it.
如果你想找第二方意见 你随意 If you want to get a second opinion, by all means.
这是你的权利 我是支持的 It's your right. I encourage it.
哦 好的 那我们不介意 是吧？ Oh, okay. So we're cool, then?
是的拉里 我不介意 Yeah, Larry. I'm cool.
去问你的第二方意见吧 事后告诉我结果 Get your second opinion. Let me know how it goes.
你知道 很多人之后会劝我 You know, a lot of people are gonna say to me,
"你应该找一个第二方意见" "You should get a second opinion."
我只是为了可以告诉他们 "没错 我找了第二方意见的" So I can say, "Yeah. I got a second opinion."
只是为了告诉你的朋友你那样做了 So it's just so you can tell your friends you did it.
还不是给我朋友说 It's not even saying it to my friends.
是对我过世的母亲说 It's saying it to my late mother.
你知道吧 她在我脑子里肯定会说 Okay, while here in my head,
"拉里 你在干嘛呢？ "Larry, what are you doing?
"去找一个第二方意见啊 你傻吗？" Get a second opinion. Are you stupid?"
- 我有必要一直听那个声音吗？ - 是 你不想听到那个 - Why do I need to hear that? - Yeah, you don't wanna hear that.
- 是的 即使她已经死了 我还是要想办法让她闭嘴 - 懂了 行吧 - No. Even though she's dead, I need to shut her up. - Got it. All right.
嗯 你可以去那里的前台 要你的停车票 Um, you can validate your parking up front, there.
小心 嗯... Careful. Uh...
嘿！ Hey!
- 拉里！- 乔伊！ - Larry! - Joey!
- 最近怎么样？ - 还不坏 - How's it going? - Not terrible.
你的那个 咖啡馆怎么样了？ How's your, uh, coffee shop doing?
- 很不错 - 是吗？ - Doing quite well. - Really?
- 是啊 - 你还找人帮忙吗？ - Yeah. - You lookin' for, uh, you know, any people?
- 你在找... - 是的 我对我现在的工作不太满意 - You're looking for... - I, I am. I've been really unhappy where I am,
- 我想做点别的 - 乔伊 - and I'm looking for something new. - Joey.
- 我怎么会拒绝一个冯克豪瑟家的人呢？ - 拉里！ - You think I'm gonna turn down a Funkhouser? - Larry!
- 来吧 没问题的 - 那就太好了 - Yeah, of course. Come on. - Yeah, that'd be great.
谢谢你 真的 我等不及要开始了 Thank you, really. Terrific. I can't wait to start.
- 好啊 说不定 明天就可以 - 完美 - All right, well, maybe even, uh, maybe even tomorrow. - Perfect.
- 乔伊？- 嗯？ - Joey? - Mm?
你这是在干嘛？ What's going on over here?
哦 我在等水热 Oh, I'm just waiting for it to get hot.
你在等水热？ You're waiting for it to get hot?
- 我觉得你不尊重干旱地区的人民 - 我很尊重他们 - I don't think you respect the drought. - I do respect the drought.
- 你尊重他们吗 乔伊？ - 我真的尊重 - Do you respect the drought, Joey? - I do. I really do.
我当然尊重干旱地区的人民 我... I do respect the drought. I...
- 哇 - 怎么了？ - Whoa. - What?
怎么了？ What?
- 哇噢！哇！ - 好了 - Woo! Whoa! - Okay.
乔伊！ Joey!
拉里 Larry.
哎呀 Yikes.
我是说 我很支持你变性这事的 I mean, I support your transitioning,
但你真是给自己弄了个好大的鸡儿 but you gave yourself quite a large penis there.
是的 是我想要的 Yeah, I wanted to,
你知道 算是遵循冯克豪瑟家的鸡儿传统 you know, follow in the Funkhouser tradition of penises.
你能应付得了这么大的玩意吗？ Can you handle, uh, something like that?
- 这是个庞然大物啊 - 是啊 - That's, that's enormous. - It is, yeah.
但是 我感觉它挺容易带到旁边的东西的 But, I mean, it seems like a lot to, to lug around.
- 不 其实不会 - 但是 - No, it isn't actually. - But...
你在什么姑娘身上用过了吗？ You've tried it out on some dames?
- 我还没有收到过不满意的反馈呢 百分百满意度 - 百分百哦 - I've had no complaints about it. No complaints. - No complaints.
行 好吧 Okay. All right.
- 享受你的大老二吧 - 好嘞 - Enjoy your big penis. - I am.
- 记得带着它多进城去逛逛 - 谢谢你 拉里 - And, uh, you know, go to town with it. - Thank you, Larry. That's...
- 咖啡店的事情我们再联络 - 好的 我会打电话... - We'll be in touch about the store. - Yeah. I'll call...
我会打给你 你就告诉我 I'll call you, and you just let me know
- 我什么时候能开始 我等不及了 - 好极了 - when I can start. I can't wait. - Fantastic.
- 好了 谢谢你 拉里 - 你能来工作我很高兴 - All right. Thank you, Larry. Okay. - Excited to have you.
- 嘿！哇！ -看看我把谁带来了 - Hey! Whoa! - Look who I brought.
- 乡村俱乐部环境就是好 - 是啊 - Country club shit right here. - Yeah.
你好吗？有什么新鲜事？ How you, uh, doing? What's going on?
我刚瞧见了乔伊冯克豪瑟的新鸡儿 I just saw Joey Funkhouser's new penis.
- 谁？- 马蒂冯克豪瑟的女儿 - Who? - Marty Funkhouser's daughter
她变性成了一个男人 has transitioned into being a man.
- 哦 哇 - 是啊 - Oh, wow. - Yeah.
动了变性手术 那家伙可大了 Had the surgery, and, uh, it's big.
多大？ How big?
- 相当大 - 哇 - Really big. - Wow.
是啊 他给自己弄了个大老二 Yeah. He gave himself a giant penis.
- 你看见蛋了吗？- 没有 - Did you see the balls? - No.
视线完全被他的老二占据了 没能看到 Completely taken with the penis that I didn't get to, you know,
完全没看到阴囊 look at the scrotum at all.
等等 乡村俱乐部原来是这个德性？ So wait a minute. This is what happens at country clubs?
白人就这样走来走去 晃着鸡儿给别人看？ White guys walking around showing each other their johnson?
不不不 我是在卫生间看到的 No, no, no. I saw it in the bathroom.
他穿着毛巾浴袍呢 He was wearing a terrycloth robe.
他一转身 浴袍敞开了 He turned and the robe opened up.
人们总是不把浴袍系好 People don't tie robes properly.
- 他们不系好 - 他们都是随便一带上 你知道吧 - They do not. - They're very cavalier about a robe, you know?
你不能只是把一边搭到另一边上 You can't just fling one side over the other.
- 你得把浴袍系好 - 把浴袍系好 - Cinch your robe. - Cinch your robe.
- 没错 - 我都不知道他那么大的家伙要怎么穿内裤 - Right. - I don't see how he can wear underwear with that thing.
那家伙太大了 根本不可能装进内裤里 It's so big there's no way he can fit in underwear.
- 装不进去 - 是吧？ - You can't. - Right?
大鸡儿互助会的人都知道 Everybody in the big johnson community knows that.
你不能穿内裤 我就不穿内裤 You can't wear underwear. I don't wear underwear.
- 你们还有个大鸡儿互助会？- 当然有 - There's a big johnson community? - Of course there is.
我们每个月都聚会 分享拥有大鸡儿的困扰 We meet once a month. We talk about the pitfalls of having a big-ass johnson.
我在家里举办过几次 I've had several at the house.
你...你在家里举办过大鸡儿分享会？ You... You've had a big johnson meeting at, at the house?
你出门的时候 整个会的人都他妈的来了 When you're fuckin' out of town, the whole community shows the fuck up,
我们坐在桌边 就聊天 and we sit around the table, and just talk.
- 你们有管理层吗？- 那必须有啊 - Do you have officers? - Fuck, yeah, we do.
谁是主席？ Who's the president?
我朋友 巨基威廉 My man, Horse Cock Williams.
瞧 我没有大老二 Look, I don't have a big penis,
但我很想见识一下大鸡儿互助会 but I'd like to see if I could join the big johnson community.
你又没有大老二 How are you getting in the big johnson community
怎么能加入大鸡儿互助会？这... without a big johnson? What...
有人帮我担保啊 I know somebody there who could vouch for me.
为你担保？他们 他们要亲眼见过才行！ What do you mean, vouch for you? They, they, they gotta look at it!
你不能直接出席 你得在门前给那帮人看你的鸡儿 You can't just show up. You gotta flash that motherfucker at the door.
- 是啊 懂了吗？ - 那如果我被拆穿了呢？ - Yeah. See? - Well, what happens if I get caught?
他们会拎着你的小弟弟把你扔出去 They'll throw you out of there by your little-ass johnson.
但这对乔伊来说说不定是个好主意 But maybe this would be a good thing for Joey,
因为它太大了 他不知道怎么处理 because it's way too big, and he can't handle it.
我预感到... I foresee...
那根鸡儿会引起大问题 big problems with that penis.
很大 Big.
说实话 我总是和别人说 To be honest, I always tell people
他们能把房子修理好 我不... they can fix up the house. I don't...
嘿 拉里！嘿！ Hey, Larry! Hey!
拉里大卫 嘿 Larry David. Hey.
好消息 Great news.
我是你隔壁那间房子的代理人 I am the listing agent of the house next to yours.
- 是吗？你要卖它？- 是啊 - Oh, really? You're selling it? - Yeah.
晃晃钱袋子 Ka-ching! Ka-ching!
- 想靠那套房赚一笔是吗？ - 是啊 - Make some money on that one, right? - Yeah.
好吧 你知道 我应该自己买下它 Okay. You know, I should buy it myself,
这样我就能避免傻逼邻居了 so I can avoid asshole neighbors.
- 我喜欢你的想法 - 你 你不会买它的 对吧？ - I like that. - You, you would never buy it, would you?
它有点超出我的承受范围了 目前看来 It's a little bit out of my, uh, prince range, you know, right now.
哦 那很好 Oh. That's good.
因为你是全世界的人里 'Cause you're the last person in the world
我最不想要的邻居 I want living next door to me.
客户都爱我 拉里 Clients love me, Larry.
咖啡怎么样？ How's the coffee?
- 很不错 - 很好 - It's good. - It's good.
是啊 很好 你知道 Yeah. Good. You know,
很有趣 因为 刚才我在开车 it's interesting, 'cause, uh, I was in my car earlier,
突然 我听到一声消防警笛 and all of a sudden, I hear a siren,
我从后视镜看过去 and I look in the rearview mirror
后面有辆消防车 我想... and there's a fire truck behind me, and I...
哇 着火了！ 那我最好让到路边 Wow, a fire! And I better get over to the side of the road.
这些人赶着去救火呢 Those guys are really in a hurry.
所以我靠边让道 然后消防车嗖地从我旁边开过去了 I pull over to the side of the road, and it... shwoo! Goes past me.
接着我在这停车 我看见了消防车 And then I pull in here, and I see the fire truck.
火在哪呢？ Where's the fire?
哪... Where...
哪里有火灾？ Where is the fire?
- 我们需要喝咖啡 - 噢 噢 - We needed coffee. - Oh, oh.
- 我们不是经常这样 - 不 - We don't do it often. - No.
- 这不是常事 - 是的 不常发生 - Like, it's not a frequent thing. - Yeah, no.
你是在滥用警笛 You abused your siren.
- 滥用警笛？- 你们是警笛滥用者 - Abused our siren? - You're siren abusers.
我懂你们的 我以前有张残疾人的标识 I completely get it. I had a handicapped placard once.
我甚至不敢想 我要是有个警笛会有多棒 And I could only imagine what it's like to have a siren.
因为有残疾人标识就已经非常棒了 'Cause that handicapped placard, that was fantastic.
享受你们的咖啡吧 Enjoy the coffee.
嘿！ Hey!
- 瞧啊 乔伊冯克豪瑟 - 嘿 拉里 - Look at this. Joey Funkhouser. - Hey, Larry.
- 你好吗 - 嘿 - How you doing? - Hey.
- 你给他看制服了吗？ - 是啊 - So have you shown him the ropes? - Yeah.
- 我们正要看呢 - 学得真快 - We're gettin' it down. Yeah. - Fast learner.
- 是吗？- 我唯一的问题是 - Oh, yeah? - The only question I have is,
那个 小费罐在哪里？ where's the, uh, the tip jar?
哦 没有小费罐 Oh, no. No tip jar.
- 没有小费？- 不 那是自降身份 - No tipping? - No, that's, that's demeaning.
把自己贬成乞丐了 It turns us into... beggars.
- 是吗？你这么觉得？- 是的 那我们还不如干脆在门口放个杯子要钱呢 - Yeah? You think? - Yeah. We might as well be outside with a, with a cup.
啊哦 知道现在该做什么吗？ Uh-oh. Know what happens now?
不知道 No.
- 啊 看这个 看到了吗？ - 啊 - Ah. Look at that, see? - Ah.
哦 这是个重要的时刻 Oh, boy. This, this is a big moment.
- 就是这个？- 没错 重要时刻 - That's it? - Oh, the big moment. Yes, indeed.
- 我们去后面吧 去储藏室？ - 嗯哼 - Let's go to the back. To the storeroom? - Um-hmm.
- 在那儿换上衣服 - 好的 太好了 - And get changed there. - Okay. Great. Right.
嘿 既然你们要去储藏室 Hey, as long as you're going to the storeroom,
- 顺便让他看看怎么给自热杯充电 - 行 好的 - show him how to charge the, uh, the self-heating cups. - Yes, indeed.
我正试着说服拉里设一些"禁止闲坐"的标识 I kind of talked Larry into putting up "no lamping" signs
在店里放着 客人都呆的时间太久了 all over the fuckin' place. People would stay too fucking long.
- 你在排队吗？- 什么？ - Are you in line? - What?
- 你在排买咖啡的队吗？- 哦没有 - Are you in line for coffee? - Oh. N-No. No.
抱歉 我们还不认识吧？ Sorry, we haven't met, have we?
- 不认识 不 - 好 - No. Uh-uh. No. - Okay.
还不认识 No, we haven't.
好 我叫爱丽丝 Okay. I'm Alice.
呃 我叫巴克 Um, I'm... Buck.
- 认识你很高兴 巴克 - 我也是 - Nice to meet you, Buck. - Nice to meet you.
嘿拉里！围裙放哪了？ Hey, Larry! Where are the aprons?
在洗手液后面！ They're behind the Purell!
我找不到围裙！ I can't find the fuckin' aprons!
你是...拿铁拉里吗？ Are you... Latte Larry?
- 正是！- 哦 - Yes! - Oh.
我外号叫巴克 朋友们都这样叫我 Buck's my nickname. That's what my friends call me.
拉里外号却叫巴克？ How'd you get to Buck from Larry?
我喜欢看西部片 很多角色叫这个 I like to watch a lot of Westerns.
你最喜欢哪一部？ What's your favorite?
大峡谷上的大蓝天 Blue Skies Over the Canyon.
嗯 我刚搬过来 所以... Well, I just moved in the neighborhood, so...
- 咱们以后会经常见 - 哦好 - I'll see you around. - Oh, great.
嗨 我想要一杯中杯的拿铁... Um, hi. Can I get a medium latte...
你知道 太疯狂了 You know, it's so crazy.
她完全正常 但她好像就不认识我了 She's completely normal, but she just doesn't seem to remember... me,
也不记得为我做事 关于我的任何都不记得 or ever working for me, or anything to do with me.
她被司康饼噎到之后就失忆了？ So she suffered memory loss from the choking on the scone?
我因此摆脱了被起诉一系列的麻烦 And that got me out of the lawsuit, the whole thing.
哦 是塔拉和威尔 Oh, that's Tara and Will.
嘿！ Hey!
哦 你的肚子越来越大了 Oh, look, you're getting bigger every minute!
- 我知道 我知道 - 天啊 我可得摸一摸 - I know, I know. - Oh, my God. I have to touch it.
- 来吧 - 快请进 - Please. - Come on in.
- 你好 - 你好 - Hello. - Hello. Hi.
我就是你们时常听说的拉里 I'm the Larry you've heard so much about.
好啊 Yes.
- 终于见到真人了 - 嗨 - It's so nice to finally meet you. - Hi.
- 你好吗？- 威尔 - How you doin'? Hi. - Will.
威尔 Will.
- 随时可能要生了 是吧？- 好 - Any minute now, I think, huh? - Yeah.
是啊 随时都可能 Yeah. Any minute.
- 天啊 - 天啊 - Oh, boy. - Jesus.
你知道 我曾经让人怀了孕 You know, I impregnated somebody once.
- 是吗？- 嗯 - Yeah? - Yeah.
我们在流产诊所分手了 We broke up in the abortion clinic.
- 有意思吧 - 你从来没跟我说过 - How about that? - You've never told me that.
- 嗯 是真的 真的 - 哇 - Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. - Wow.
顺便说一句 既然你们来了 Just so you know, while you're here,
- 我不懂接生 - 好 - I don't know how to deliver a baby. - Okay.
催生具体是怎样的？ How do you, how do you induce labor?
吓吓她能让她开始生产吗？ Can you scare someone into labor?
- 我不知道 - 有可能吗？ - I don't know. - Is that possible?
- 我... - 也许可能 - I... - Uh, maybe it's possible.
但尽量不要让产妇受到惊吓 I think it's something we want to avoid.
你为什么想吓她？ Why would you wanna do that?
生产应该是瓜熟蒂落 A baby should come when it's naturally supposed to come.
怎么冒出了你这种爱管闲事的人？ Who needs Mr. Buttinski over here?
就是假设一下 我就是假设一下 It's a hypothetical. It's just a hypothetical.
就比如说你跟朋友打赌 Let's say you had a bet with a friend.
你看见一个孕妇 You see a pregnant woman who, uh...
挺着大肚子的孕妇在街上走 Big pregnant woman walking down the street...
你跟你朋友赌五十美元 You make a $50 bet with this friend,
你能把她吓到催生 that you can induce labor by scaring her.
你躲进灌木丛里 她正沿着街走 You go into the bushes, she's walking down the street,
你突然跳出来 啊的一声 and all of a sudden you jump out. Aah!
- 你躲进灌木丛里？- 对 - Uh, you in the bushes? - Yeah.
你为了五十块就钻进灌木丛？ For 50 bucks you're going in the bushes?
对 但就是假设 看你能不能把她吓得催生 Yeah, but it's hypothetical. See if you can induce labor.
那要是她确实被吓得进产房了怎么办？ Well, what happens if she goes into labor?
- 要是你赢了怎么办？- 是啊 - Yeah, what happens if you win? - Yeah.
我就开车载她去医院 I, I'd drive her to the hospital.
好 假设你开车载她去医院 Okay, let's say you're driving her to the hospital,
在去医院的路上 and along the way to the hospital,
- 她在你车上就开始生怎么办？- 是个问题 - she starts giving birth in your car? - Well, that's a problem.
你得好好考虑一下你的假设 You gotta really think these hypotheticals out.
因为结局一般都不太好 'Cause they always end poorly.
好吧 那我不吓她 Okay, I won't scare her.
- 好 - 好的 谢谢 - Okay. - Yeah, thank you.
我很开心你们终于来了 So, I'm so glad you guys finally came over.
- 抱歉我们迟到了 - 迟到怪我 - Sorry we're late. - Yeah, that's... that's on me.
你知道 我不看手机 然后就 I, you know, I refuse to look at the phone, and like,
我想看手表 然后我就忘了 I try and go off the watch. I forget,
我的表走得总是有点慢 and it always, like, runs a little late.
- 是啊 很难猜时间 - 你修不好吗？ - Yeah, hard to guess it. - You can't get that fixed?
我试过了 但是 I've tried, but, you know,
- 它总是慢一会儿 - 我认识一个能修好的人 - it always just, like, goes back, you know? - I know a guy who can fix that,
轻轻松松 他很厉害 easily. He's, he's great.
- 你确定吗？- K.I.珠宝店 确定 - You sure? - K.I. Jeweler, yeah.
- 是吗？- 真的吗？ - Oh, yeah? - Oh, really?
我每天都开车经过 我帮你捎过去就好 I drive by there every day. I can just bring it in.
- 好 - 你太好了 - Ah, all right. Yeah. - That's so nice.
我保证 I guarantee it.
这是我祖父的表 Yeah, it's my grandfather's watch.
他临终前送给了我 Gave it to me, like, right before he died.
是吗？那你应该修好 Oh, yeah? You should get it fixed.
相信我 要是有人能修的话 And believe me, if anybody can fix it,
- 那就是他无疑了 他很厉害 - 哦好 - it's this guy. He's great. - Oh, good.
- 感谢你 - 啊！ - I appreciate that. - Aah!
我的待客之道呢？ Where are my manners?
你想喝什么？ You want something to drink?
太好了 我... That would be great. I'm, I'm...
我真的很想喝姜汁汽水 really craving ginger ale.
- 我们有姜汁汽水吧 杰夫？- 有吗？ - Oh, we have ginger ale. Right, Jeff? - Do you?
我囤多少姜汁汽水都不够 我爱姜汁汽水 I cannot stock up enough ginger ale. I love ginger ale.
嘿 不然...我也一起喝姜汁汽水 Hey, how 'bout... I'll get in on the ginger ale.
- 库存够吗？- 哇 我们有成吨的姜汁汽水 - You sure you got enough? - Oh, no, we have tons of ginger ale.
两罐姜汁汽水 杰夫 Two ginger ales, Jeffrey.
- 谢谢 杰夫 谢谢 - 谢谢 - Thank you, Jeff. Thank you. - Thank you.
你知道宝宝是男是女吗？ So, um, do you know the sex of the, of the child?
是小男孩 We're gonna have a little baby boy.
- 小男孩 听听 - 哦太有爱了！ - A little baby boy. How about that? - Oh, so cute! Yeah.
你们想过肤色吗？ Have you thought about the, um, the skin color at all?
- 你说什么？- 就是皮肤的色调？ - I'm sorry? - You know. The tone?
你们更希望他是深肤色吗？ Would you prefer it's, it's a, it's a little darker?
我猜你更希望他的肤色深一些 I would imagine you might prefer it to be a little darker,
而不是浅一些 对吧？ as opposed to lighter, no?
我从来没想过这个问题 Well, I mean, I've never even thought about it.
但我想还是深点儿好 But, I guess like, darker, I guess.
- 是 我就知道 - 什么？ - Yeah, I would think. Right? - What?
对 有道理 Yeah, that makes sense.
- 呃我... - 什么？ - Uh, I... - What?
- 你想让他有深肤色？- 更希望... - You'd prefer him to be darker? - Prefer it...
要是有人问我 有人让我选 I mean, if someone's asking me, like, if I had to choose,
- 我会说我希望深一些 - 为什么要选？ - I'd say, like darker. - Why are you choosing?
你想让他肤色浅一些吗？ You'd probably like it a little lighter maybe, no?
不 我不希望我的宝宝肤色浅一些 No, I, I don't, I don't think I want my baby to be lighter.
我根本没想过那个问题 I haven't thought about that at all.
- 你竟然考虑过 我好惊讶 - 哦是啊 - I'm surprised that you've thought about it. - Oh, yeah.
我是说 嗯 我没想过 I mean, well, I, I hadn't thought about it,
但我被别人问到了这个问题 but asked the question, I mean...
我知道 但你本来可以说 I know, but what you could have said,
深一些浅一些无所谓 I don't have a preference,
但你说的是你希望他肤色深一些 but you said you'd prefer him to be darker.
- 你无所谓吗？- 对啊 我无所谓 - You don't have a preference at all? - No, I don't have a preference.
假如有人用枪指着你的头 Say somebody put a gun to your head.
说"你希望宝宝肤色深一些还是浅一些？" Said, "Do you want you baby to be lighter or darker?"
你怎么选？ What would you choose?
为什么会有人用枪指着我的头 Why is someone holding a gun to my head and asking me
- 问我我希望我儿子的肤色如何呢？- 就是个假设 - what shade I would prefer my son to be? - It's a hypothetical.
- 我不知道... - 为什么会有人用枪指着她的头？ - I don't know, see... - Why is somebody putting a gun to her head?
他想...他想知道你更喜欢哪种 He wants to... He wants to find out what your preference is.
你和威尔在街上走 So you're walking down the street with Will,
然后他一把抓过你 按在汽车后座上 and he snatches you into the back seat of the car,
他拿着一把枪指着你的头 and now he's got a gun to your head.
"你想让孩子深肤色还是浅肤色？" "Do you want a lighter or a darker baby?
- "深还是浅？" - 离我远点！ - "What shade? What shade?" - Get away from me!
拿枪那个人是什么肤色？ What color is the guy holding the gun?
他是棕色的 正好在中间 He's mocha. Right down the middle.
- 黑白中间 - 五五开 - Right down the middle. - Fifty-fifty.
- 你想要深一些还是浅一些？- 我... - Do you want it lighter or darker? - I...
我会说偏浅一些 I would say on the lighter side.
你看？ See?
- 你还是有偏好的 - 那不是因为枪指着我的头嘛 - So you have a preference. - But I had a gun to my head.
现在没有 You didn't have a gun to your head.
我们坐在一间舒适的客厅里 We're sitting in a nice living room.
喝着姜汁汽水 We're getting ginger ales.
身为黑人我很骄傲 I'm proud to be black.
- 我以为如果你是黑人 你也会骄傲 - 哦当然 - I think you'd be proud to be black, too. - Oh, of course...
好 抱歉 Okay, I'm sorry.
- 我觉得不... - 我没说错 - I don't feel... - I'm not wrong.
- 我觉得不太好 明白吗 - 好 我... - I don't feel good. Okay. - Okay. I'm...
- 抱歉 - 抱歉 对不起 - I'm so sorry. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- 谢谢 很高兴认识你 - 非常感谢 - Thank you. Nice to meet you. - Yeah. Thank you so much.
- 好 感谢前来 - 感谢你的热情招待 - Okay, thanks for coming. - Thank you very much for your hospitality.
- 抱歉闹成这样 - 嗷 - Sorry about all this. - Aw.
- 感谢邀请 - 我会找人修表的 - Thanks for having us. - I'll get that watch fixed.
你究竟是哪根筋搭错了？ What the fuck is the matter with you?
怎么了？ What?
我问问你 Let me ask you something.
当斗牛士有什么难的？我不懂 What is so hard about being a matador? I don't get it.
- 他们不是拿着红布吗？ - 对 - They have the cape, right? - Right.
公牛好像只往红布上撞 The bull seems to run into the cape.
他们不会撞斗牛士啊 They don't run into the guy.
- 那有什么难的？ - 对 - How hard is it to go like that? - Right.
- 哦 啊 - 哦 - Ow. Aah. - Oh.
- 就是这儿 - 是啊 - It's right there. - Yeah.
是这么回事 Here's the deal.
你的半月板是有点撕裂 You do have a tear in the meniscus.
不过是在半月板的外缘 But it's the outer edge of the meniscus,
这个区域自己会愈合 and that area will heal itself.
我认为只要休息 冰敷 I think some rest, some ice,
再吃点布洛芬就行了 呃 我帮你安排点理疗 some ibuprofen. Uh, I'd put you on a PT course.
物理治疗 你来这儿就行 Physical therapy. You can come here,
或者你也可以让理疗师上门 or you can, um, have 'em come to your home.
- 怎么都行 嗯 - 啥？ - Whatever you'd like. Yeah. - What?
可算松了口气 我差点让人忽悠... What a relief. I just was led to believe that I...
还以为不做手术不行了 I was gonna need surgery.
- 哦 我是提供第二方意见吗？ - 是的 - Oh. Were we a second opinion? - Yeah.
你介意我问 呃 另一个医生是谁吗？ Do you mind me asking who the, uh, other doctor is?
赛德曼医生 It's Dr. Seiderman.
好医生 Good doctor.
哦 你认识他？ Oh, you know him?
我们遇到过一两次 We've crossed paths a time or two.
这样啊 Yeah.
你会把找我的事情告诉另一个医生 You are gonna tell the other doctor about me.
嗯 我已经说了 Yeah. I already did.
- 哦 是吗？ - 是啊 - Oh, you did? - Yeah.
你提我名字了吗？ Did you mention me by name?
- 没 - 好的 - No. - Okay.
我不知道该怎么跟他说 I don't know how I'm gonna tell him.
我不得不说 It's gotta be done.
车里没病人？ No patient in there?
没 没病人 No. No patient.
就是路上太堵了 Just a lot of traffic.
这样啊 所以你就把警笛打开了？ Really. So you just put the siren on?
- 是啊 嗯哼 - 是吗？ - Yeah. Mm-hmm. - Really?
又一个滥用警笛的 Another siren abuser.
这不是滥用... 我... It's not abuse. I...
更像是 是利用 It's more of, it's more use.
这要是传出去 If word gets out
你们把警笛打开 that all of you people are just putting sirens on
只为了跑快点 to get to places faster,
以后就没人会给你们让路了 nobody's gonna pull over to the side of the road anymore.
你猜接着会发生什么？ And then you know what's gonna happen?
你车里下次就真的会有死人了 You're gonna have some dead people.
- 我得把这些送进去 先生 - 啊 可不是嘛！ - Gotta get these inside, sir. - Ugh. Of course!
尽情享用你的咖啡 Enjoy your coffee.
根据这位医生的说法 呃... According to this doctor, uh...
他说我也不用...做手术 he said I didn't need to get the... surgery.
不做手术 No surgery.
他说我只需要物理治疗 He said I just needed some physical therapy,
再吃点布洛芬 and some ibuprofen.
然后所有的毛病都会神奇地 呃 痊愈 是吗？ And everything will just magically return to, uh, to health, huh?
- 好 - 所以 我觉得值得一试 不是吗？ - Yeah. - So, I think it's worth giving a shot, no?
- 然后 呃... - 嗯？ - And, uh... - Yeah?
是哪个医生？ Who was the doctor?
呃 富勒医生 Uh, Dr. Fuller.
- 马克富勒 - 是的 - Mark Fuller. - Yeah.
嗯 好医生 Hmm. Nice doctor.
劲头很足 Good energy.
我知道是怎么回事 I know how it goes.
- 那么就祝你 呃... - 哦 别这样 - Well, good luck with your, uh... - Aw, come on.
别...别生气 拜托 Don't... don't be mad. Come on.
生气？我不生气 我只是... Mad? I'm not mad. I'm just...
你... 你有点不高兴 You're... you're a little peeved.
那就祝你顺利恢复吧 拉里 Well, good luck in your journey, Larry.
呃 我祝你和你的膝盖一切都好 And, uh, I wish you and your knee all the best.
我还有几个病人要看 所以... I have a few patients I need to see, so...
如果你不介意的话 if you don't mind.
好吧 咱们还是手术吧 Okay, let's do the surgery.
不 我不会给你动手术的 拉里 No. I'm not, I'm not doing the surgery, Larry.
- 什么？得了 得了 咱们还是手术吧 - 我不做... - What? Come on. Come on, we'll do the surgery. - I'm not doing...
你在我这儿做不了手术 You'll get no surgery from me.
没有 不做 一针也不缝 听明白了吗？ Nothing. Nada. Not a stitch. Do you understand me?
我不想跟你和你的膝盖有任何瓜葛 I don't want anything to do with you or your knee.
- 得了吧 我说了我要做手术 - 不！ - Come on, I said I'll get the surgery. - No!
- 我偏要做手术 - 不提供手术 - Let me just get the surgery. - There's no surgery.
- 别这样！我错了！ - 别哪样 拉里？没门 - Don't be like that! I'm sorry! - Like what, Larry? No.
- 道歉没用 - 你怎么跟个小孩似的？ - Sorry's not good enough. - Why are you acting like such a baby?
我是小孩？你才是到处找人问来问去的那个 I'm the baby? You're the one going around town getting a bunch of opinions!
好 你猜怎么着？我不需要什么建议了 行了吧 Okay, you know what? I don't need any more opinions, okay?
不过我把话说明白了 我说了我要做手术 Just be on the record, though, that I said I'd get the surgery.
- 很明白 拉里 谢谢你 - 是你不给我做的 - It's on the record, Larry. Thank you. - You don't wanna give it to me.
你搞砸了！我都不知道为什么 You blew it! I don't know why I ever
我一开始要来找你看病 went with you in the first place.
你让我恶心！我走了 You sicken me! I'm leaving.
好吧 你会后悔的 Okay? And you'll regret it!
多米尼克会在前台给你办免费停车的 Dominic will validate your parking at the front desk!
嗨 欢迎光临M.K... Hi. Welcome to M.K...
嘿 Hey.
- 拉里 - 米拉？ - Larry. - Mila?
- 是啊 - 你在干嘛？ - Yeah. - What are you doing?
- 这是做什么？ - 这是我的店 - What is this? - This is my store.
什么意思 你的店？ What do you mean, your store?
我是因为你才开的这家店 I opened up this store because of you.
听我说 拉里 Get this, Larry.
K.I.珠宝店把我坑了 K.I. Jewelers fucked me over.
我去买了个表 I went in, I bought a watch.
我一戴上 就发现我去哪都迟到 I started wearing it, I started noticing I was late everywhere I went.
我去开会 都要迟到五分钟 I would go to like, a meeting, and I was, like, five minutes late.
所以我回到店里 想要退款... So I walked in, I asked for a refund...
他们说不退 They said no.
混球 Bastards.
所以我说 "去死吧 K.I.珠宝店" So I said, "Fuck you, K.I. Jewelers,"
然后我就开了 M.K.珠宝店 and I opened up M.K. Jewelers.
敌对店 拉里 Spite store, Larry.
都是因为你 Because of you.
我都说不出... I can't tell you how...
- 我听到这个有多开心 - 谢谢你 - How pleased I am to hear this. - Well, thank you.
- 话说回来 拉里！ - 嗯 - Anyways, Larry! - Yeah.
- 很好 嗯 - 你来了 有什么事？ - All right. Yeah. - You came in here. What's up?
- 呃 我有这块表... - 嗯 - Well, I got this watch... - Yeah.
我本来要拿到那边 I was gonna bring it over there.
- 关门了 - 关门了 哈？ - Gone now. - Gone now, huh?
- 你想做什么？ - 给你 - What are you gonna do? - Here you go.
呃 你想让我做什么？ Well, what do you want me to do?
修好它 Fix it.
那啥 我不... 我不做维修 拉里 Well, I don't... I don't do that, Larry.
你不会修表？ You can't fix the watch?
不 拉里 我开店只为了敌对 No. Sorry. I'm just here for spite.
好吧 Yeah.
威尔和塔拉？ Will and Tara?
还不说话 还不说话 Still not talking. Still not talking.
- 都因为我？ - 都因为你 - All because of me? - All because of you.
- 谁在乎什么肤色？ - 是啊 - Who cares what shade? - Yeah.
难道说 十年以后 他会说 What do you think, like, ten years down the road he's gonna go,
"你知道么 他从来不像我想要的那么黑" "You know, he was never as dark as I wanted."
- 你知道这不可能发生 - 是啊 - You know that's never happening. - Yeah.
嘿 你猜怎么？他的手表还在我这儿 Hey, you know what? I still have his watch.
- 你开玩笑呢 - 不是 - You're kidding me. - No.
我找不到人修表 瞧 I couldn't get it fixed. Look.
所以你现在走到哪就带到哪？ So now you gotta carry that thing with you everywhere you go?
- 我得找到个能修的珠宝店 - 哦 天 - I gotta find a jeweler. - Oh, jeez.
嘿 嘿 伙计们 Hey, hey, fellas.
哦 老天 Oh, my God.
你们看5频道的新闻吗？ You watch, uh, Channel 5 news?
天气栏目的主持人真是个辣妹 Well, there's a real smokeshow who does the weather on there,
然后 呃 我们昨晚约会了 and, uh, we had a date last night.
嗯 你们去哪了 去她住的贫民窟了？ Mm. Where'd you go, to the asylum where she's staying?
你去死吧 拉里 Go fuck yourself, Larry.
我这辈子从来没这么讨厌过一个秃顶男 I've never felt such antipathy towards a bald man in my life.
- 他是秃顶届的耻辱 - 秃顶届的耻辱 - He's a shanda for the bald. - He's a shanda for the bald.
我去去就来 I'll be right back.
啊哈！ Aha!
用水警察来了 There's the water police.
- 啊哈 - 说到就到 - Aha! - Right on cue.
你看看你 再次不尊重干旱 Look at this. Disrespecting the drought again.
我 我正准备刮胡子 I'm, I'm about to shave.
- 好家伙 好家伙 - 因为... - Oh, boy. Oh, boy. - Like you, you...
要有热水才能刮胡子 you'd need the hot water with the shaving.
那好 你刮胡子的时候应该这样节约用水 All right. Here's how you save water when you shave.
- 好 嗯哼 - 打开水龙头 - Yeah. Uh-huh. - You put the water on,
涮涮剃刀 然后把水关掉 you rinse the blade, and then you turn the water off.
- 好 - 然后 你刮一点 - Right. - Then you, then you shave a little bit.
- 好 - 然后再把水打开 - Yeah. - Then you put the water on again.
涮干净 再关上水 You rinse it out, you turn it off.
感谢你的刮胡子指导 I appreciate the shaving lesson.
- 你就是这么做的吗？ - 我就是这么做的 没错 - Is that how you do it? - That's how I do it, yeah.
- 好吧 10美刀教学费 - 行 - All right, that'll be $10. - Yeah.
我觉得有比跟在我屁股后面 You know, I think there are probably better ways
更好的节水方法 to save water than following me around here.
- 说的没错 乔伊 你说的百分百正确 - 确实 好的 - You're right, Joey. You're 100 percent right. - Exactly. Okay.
嗯... So, um...
我发现了我的手表... I found my watch...
在地上 碎了 on the ground. It's broken.
我看到了 太糟糕了 I see that. That's, uh, that's too bad.
知道这是怎么发生的吗？ Any idea what happened to it?
- 不 不知道 - 啊 啊哈 - No. No idea. - Ah, uh-huh.
- 我告诉你我怎么想的 乔伊 - 是的？ - I'll tell you what I think, Joey. - Yeah?
我觉得是你突然转身 你的浴袍开了 I think you turned abruptly, your robe opened up,
然后你的大老二碰到了它 and you knocked it over with your big penis.
我觉得是这样搞的 That's what I think happened.
好的 对不起 我碰掉的 但是...我只是 Okay, I'm sorry. I knocked it over. But it... I just,
我只是转一下身 然后我 我碰到了它 I just turned around, and I, I hit it.
- 好的 好的 好的 - 我很抱歉 好吗？ - Okay. Okay. Okay. - I'm sorry, okay?
但我 你知道的 我告诉过你这是个很难搞的东西 But I, you know, I told you it's a tough thing to handle.
意外会发生的 你知道吗？ Accidents happen, you know?
- 意外会发生的 嘿！ - 是的 - Accidents happen. Hey! - Yeah.
- 别在意 - 好的 - No worries. - Yeah.
- 别在意 听着 乔伊... - 是的 - No worries. And listen, Joey... - Yeah.
- 如果你再用你的大老二碰了什么东西... - 是的 - If you ever knock anything over again with your penis... - Yeah.
你可以随时来找我 You can always come to me.
谢谢 Thank you.
好的 Okay.
- 然后系紧浴袍 乔伊 - 好的 拉里 - And cinch that robe, Joey. - Okay, Larry.
弗莱迪叔叔 味道加强 精粹 Uncle Freddy, the Robust, uh, Select,
就像你喜欢的那样...更热更甜 just the way you like it... Extra hot and sweet.
你太棒了 这可能是 You're tremendous. This is maybe
我喝过的最棒的咖啡 the best I've ever had a coffee brought to me.
- 不 少来啦 谢谢 - 你太牛了 - No. Come on. Thank you. - You're killing it, here.
- 嘿 乔伊 帮我个忙 好吗？ - 好的 好的 - Hey, Joey, do me a favor, will ya? - Yeah. Yeah.
- 我碰倒了储藏室里的兜子 - 噢 - I knocked over some beans in the storeroom. - Oh.
- 全撒地上了 - 当然 是的 是的 是的 - They're all over the floor. - Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 一会儿见 好的 - 你太棒了 - See you later. Okay. - You're killing it here.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
- 他做得很棒 - 是的 他很棒 - He's doing a tremendous job. - Yeah, he's doing great.
- 说起乔伊 - 是的 - Speaking of Joey. - Yeah.
在俱乐部的盥洗室水台用他的大老二 Knocked a watch off the bathroom counter
碰掉了一个手表 with his, with his giant penis at the club.
修不了了 我知道那个老二会带来麻烦的 Can't repair it. I knew that penis was gonna cause trouble.
这是个意外 好吗？他有感到抱歉吗？ It was an accident, all right? Did he feel bad about it?
- 噢 有的 有 - 嗯 这才是重要的 - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Well, that's all that matters.
他还不习惯带着它移动 He's not used to moving around with it.
- 是的 是的 - 我只能想象 - Yeah. Yeah. - I can only imagine.
要做煎蛋卷就得打破几个鸡蛋 对吗？ You gotta break some eggs to make an omelet, right?
要想搞定一个大老二 Gotta break a couple watches to...
就得打破几只手表 know how to handle a big cock.
- 当然 - 无论如何 你太棒了 祝贺 - Sure. - Anyway, you're terrific. Congratulations.
再见 弗莱迪 See you, Freddy.
- 嘿！ - 嘿 巴克！ - Hey! - Hi, Buck!
嗨 爱丽丝 对吗？ Hi. Alice, right?
- 是的 是的 - 好的 - Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah.
想来点什么？ What can I do for you?
噢 请给我一杯带走的卡布奇诺 Oh, I will have a cappuccino to go, please.
好的 乔伊会来接手 All right. Joey will take it from here.
谢谢 Thank you.
- 还要其他的吗？ - 嗯 这些怎么样？我以前从来没有试过 - Anything else? - Um, how are these? I've never had one before.
- 噢 这些司康饼吗？ - 司康饼 好吃吗？ - Oh, the scones? - The scone. Is it good?
噢 我觉得它们很好吃 Oh, I think they're great.
啊！ Aah!
你！ You!
- 你！- 不！ - You! - No!
不！我什么也没干！ No! I didn't do anything!
哦 天啊 Oh, my God.
- 你还好吗？ - 我想是的 - Are you okay? - I think so.
- 我是摩卡乔 - 我是爱丽丝 - I'm Mocha Joe. - I'm Alice.
为什么不进来坐坐呢？我会给你一杯咖啡 Why don't you come inside and sit down? I'll get you a cup of coffee.
好的 Okay.
- 你们和好了吗？ - 我觉得 算是吧 - Did you guys make up? - I mean, kind of.
太难熬了 It's been rough.
- 是的 我们一直在吵架 - 哦 太对不起了 - Yeah, we've been fighting. - Oh. So sorry.
她很生我的气 She's pissed at me.
- 请坐 - 这里？ - Have a seat. - Here?
是的 Yeah.
你知道吗 就像你说的事情 You know, like, things you've said,
这不是说你不是有意的 it's not like you don't mean them,
是有些话你就不能说 it's just the type of stuff you don't say.
你不想让她哭的 You don't wanna make her cry,
但同时 你也没错 but at the same time, you're also not wrong,
你知道吗？ you know?
呃...你还好吗？ Eh... Are you okay?
- 是的 - 好的 - Yeah. - Okay.
而且像 种族总是一个问题 And like, like, race is always gonna be an issue.
- 这是跨种族关系的一部分 - 是的 是的 当然 - Like, it's a part of being in an interracial relationship. - Yeah, yeah, of course.
然后 生孩子是另一个 Like, and then, having a baby is another...
- 你还好吗？ - 是的 这是什么？就像... - You good? - Yeah. What is this thing? It's like...
半个椅子 半个沙发 像是个家具怪物 Half-chair, half-couch. It's a like a furniture centaur.
这是个躺椅 It's a daybed.
我希望...我...我从不想怪罪荷尔蒙 I hope... I... I never want to blame hormones,
因为这会变成一个典型的过于阳刚的事情 'cause then that's just like a typical overly masculine thing.
- 就坐好！ - 好的 - Just sit down! - Okay.
噢 鞋子在这里还好吗？ Oh, shoes okay over there?
那你最好别放那儿 I'd rather you didn't.
谢谢 Thank you.
让我再试试 Let me try that again.
噢 操 好了 Oh, fuck. Okay.
那么 拉里 你带来我的手表了吗？ So, Larry, do you have my watch?
- 我觉得这是你来这里的原因 对吗？ - 是的 - I'm assuming that's why you came over, yeah? - Yeah.
我带着它去了K.I.珠宝店 So I brought it into K.I. Jeweler,
就像我告诉你的那样 like I told you I was going to,
但是它关门了 but it's closed up.
一个敌对店把它打垮了 A spite store took him out of business.
- 米拉库尼斯！ - 愚蠢的敌对店 - Mila Kunis! - These stupid spite stores.
但如果你没修好 你至少还拿着它？ Do you at least have it, then, if you didn't get it fixed?
给你 There you go.
- 拉里 什么情况？ - 太抱歉了 - Larry, what the hell? - So sorry.
我的手表怎么了？ What happened to this watch?
一个刚刚变性的人的大老二 The giant penis of a recent sex-change recipient
- 把它从水台碰掉了 - 什么？ - knocked it off the counter. - What?
- 我很抱歉 - 我就不应该信任你 - I'm so sorry. - I should've never trusted you with this,
但我还是信任了你 你拿着它 然后你把它弄坏了 but I did. You took it, and you got it broke.
- 这是你的错 - 我只能算一半的错 - That's your fault. - I'll take 50 percent of the blame.
还有一半怪那个老二 Fifty percent goes to that penis.
拉里 这是个不能替代的手表 Larry, this is an irreplaceable watch.
- 是的 - 我爷爷给我...别扭了！拜托！ - Yeah. - My grandfather gave... Stop squirming! Please!
- 抱歉 - 这是我爷爷的手表 我没办法替换它 - Sorry. - This is my grandfather's watch. I can't replace this.
我要给我儿子的 I was gonna give it to my son.
找个舒服的地方坐定 Just get a comfortable spot and just stay there.
好的 Okay.
我很抱歉 I'm so sorry.
噢 我的天啊 塔拉要生了 Oh, my God. Tara's having the baby.
- 什么？ - 我 我得走了 - What? - I, I gotta go.
噢 嘿 我开车送你 Oh, hey, I'll drive you.
呃 打扰一下 嘿 打扰一下 Uh, excuse me. Hey, uh, pardon me.
我的 我的妻子要生了 My, my wife is having a baby.
- 我是威廉库博 - 你是丈夫 来吧 - I'm Will Cooper. - You're the husband. Come.
她一直在问你呢 一切都很顺利 She's been asking about you. Everything's fine.
- 好的 - 我会在这 - Okay. - I'll be here.
- 我想我认识你 - 嘿 福勒大夫 - I thought I recognized you. - Hey, Dr. Fuller.
- 还好吗 拉里？ - 很好 很好 哦 天啊 - How we doing, Larry? - Pretty good. Pretty good. Oh, my God.
- 膝盖 - 是的？ - The knee. - Yeah?
就像个奇迹一样 It's, it's, it's like a miracle.
就只需要物理治疗一下 对吗？ So just the PT, yeah?
物理治疗 一些按摩 是的 PT. Some massage. Yeah.
- 介意我压一下吗？ - 不介意 来吧 - Do you mind if I, I give it a squeeze? - No, please.
- 是的 没有肿块了 - 是的 神奇 对不？ - Yeah, it's just there's no swelling left. - Yeah. Amazing, right?
嗨 还好吗？ Hi. How's it going?
- 噢 天啊 - 噢 - Oh, boy. - Oh.
- 嘿 - 嗯... - Hey. - Um...
- 本 - 福勒医生 - Ben. - Dr. Fuller.
- 我知道他是谁 是的 - 噢 - I know who it is. Yeah. - Oh.
- 刚刚下了手术？ - 事实上是会诊 - Just getting out of surgery? - Consultation, actually.
- 噢 神奇 - 嗯 - Oh. Surprising. - Mm.
你在这里干什么 拉里？ 来寻求第三方意见？ What are you doing here, Larry? Gettin' a third opinion?
- 好的 - 噢 别这样 别这样 - Okay. - Oh, come on. Don't be like that.
- 别哪样？ - 他在这很好 他很开心 - Don't be like what? - He's getting around great. He's happy.
- 噢 是吗？你很开心吗 拉里？ - 呃 我... - Oh, yeah? You feelin' good, Larry? - Yeah, I'm...
- 膝盖还好吗？ - 是的 看 你知道吗 - Knees holding up? - Yeah, look. You know,
- 它们非常好 是的 - 看看 是的 我们看能持续多久 - it's really good. Yeah. - Look at that. Yeah. We'll see if that lasts.
- 是的 - 嗯 - Yeah. - Um...
- 嘿 嗯 你们谁知道... - 嗯 - Hey. Uh, any of you guys know... - Yeah.
哪里能修手表吗？ Where I can get a, uh, a watch fixed?
是的 我妹夫在比科有个表店 Yeah, my brother-in-law owns a place on Pico.
- 真的吗？ - 他做的是最好的 三十年经验了 - Really? - He's the best in the business. Thirty years' experience.
你觉得呢？ What do you, what do you think?
- 我其实也有个伙计 - 什么？什么... - I actually have a guy, too. - What? What do...
你觉得这个家伙认识更好的修表的人？ You think this dipshit knows a better watch repairman.
- 你总是喜欢和人比 - 能比得上在比科三十年的经验？ - It's always so competitive with you. - 30 years of experience on Pico!
你认识更好的人？ You know a better guy than that?
我在戈德布拉特认识三个更好的家伙 I know three guys better than Goldblatt!
- 在比科三十年！ - 那个家伙靠弄砸表谋生！ - Thirty years on Pico! - The guy breaks watches for a living!
- 你知道吗？ - 难以置信！ - What do you know? - Unbelievable!
他是生意做得最好的！ He's the best in the business!
你之前在给拉里大卫做事？ You worked for Larry David?
是啊 嗯 Yeah. Um...
是啊 有段时间是 并且 Yeah, for a little bit, and...
你懂 他就很奇怪和可恶 You know, he was just so, like, weird and awful.
他曾... 我这有个纹身 He was pervy about... I have this tattoo here, and...
他经常抓住我的手 然后问我的纹身有什么涵义 he would always grab my hand, and ask me what it meant...
这只是个佛手 有个上帝之眼 It's just the hand of Buddha, with the Eye of Providence.
哦 我的天 是啊 确实是 Oh, my gosh. Yeah, exactly.
是啊 好吧 抱歉 我好像 Yeah, well... Sorry, I'm just like...
突然想起所有的事了 It's all kind of coming back to me,
因为我咬了一口他家的司康饼 就感觉 又硬又干 'cause I had a bite of his scone, it was like, crumbly and dry,
把我的喉咙噎住了 and it got caught in my throat.
这太可怕了 这才是一枚司康饼 They're terrible. That's a scone.
- 我迫不及待地希望你尝尝了 - 好的 - I can't wait for you to try it. - Okay.
哦 我的天 这润多了 Oh, my gosh. That's so moist.
- 真的？这就应该是松软的 - 是啊 - Right? It's supposed to be moist. - Yeah.
这个干司康饼的事 要逼疯我 This whole thing with the dry scone, it drives me crazy.
这太好了 This is really good.
你觉得拉里知道怎么做出这样的司康饼么？ You think Larry David knows anything about making a scone like that?
我很抱歉 你说的是拉里大卫么？ I'm sorry. Uh, did you say Larry David?
是啊 为什么？你认识他？ Yeah, why? You know him?
- 他是个混蛋 - 最混蛋的那种 - He's an asshole, right? - One of the biggest.
拉个凳子出来 Pull up a chair.
所以 你怎么认识拉里的？ So. How do you know Larry?
呃 在 我们一直相处的不好 Uh, from the club. But we do not get along at all.
欢迎加入 Welcome aboard.
- 哦 我的天 - 有什么不对？ - Oh, my God. - What's wrong?
我只是刚想起来我是要告他性骚扰的 I just remembered I was gonna sue him for sexual harassment.
什么？ What?
他很完美 He's perfect.
- 他彻彻底底... - 他太... - He's absolutely... - He's so...
嘿 嘿 嘿 Hey, hey, hey.
- 嘿 嘿 嘿 嘿 - 嗨 - Hey, hey, hey, hey. - Hey.
看 啊 看这 这太刺激了 Look, aw, look at... This is so exciting!
- 拉里 载我来的 - 哦 - Larry, uh, drove me. - Oh.
他当时彻底慌了 他从来没这样过 He was a complete mess. He never would have made it.
- 谢谢你载我一程 - 感谢你 感激涕零 谢谢 - Thank you for driving me. - Thank you. We appreciate that. Thank you.
是啊 很可爱 Yeah. Very cute.
- 哦 谢谢 - 他叫什么？ - Oh, thank you. - What's his name?
- 叫奎姆 - 是奎姆啊 - It's Kwame. - It's Kwame.
- 奎姆 - 嗯 哈 - Kwame. - Mm-hmm.
名字不错 Nice name.
- 哦 谢谢你 - 谢谢 - Oh, thank you. - Thank you.
- 我也这么认为 - 是啊 - I think so, too. - Yeah.
他有点 对于奎姆这个名字来说有点白了不？ A little... A little light for a Kwame, no?
- 什么？ - 有许多的名字可选 但是 - What? - A lot of names to pick, but...
如果他能黑一点的话 If he was a little darker, maybe.
- 你可以走了 好吗？ - 你赶快走 - Yeah, can you go, please? - You need to get out.
谢谢 谢谢你的 嘘 嘘 Thanks. Thank you for... Shh, shh!
嘿 你们有人要喝姜汁汽水么？ Hey, any of you guys want ginger ale?
- 拉里 滚出去 - 得令 - Larry, get the fuck out. - Got it.
祝君晚安 You guys have a good night.
如果 你们想离开 我可以打烊 You know, if you wanna take off, I can close up.
- 真的么？ - 是啊 - Really? - Yeah.
- 你知道怎么做？ - 是啊 给杯子充上电 - You know how to do it? - Yeah. Charge the cups,
关灯 锁门 turn off the lights, lock the doors.
这一步我经常忘记 锁上这扇操蛋的门 That's the one I always forget. Lock the fuckin' door.
嘿 明天三点 大老二互助会 Hey. We got that big johnson meeting men 3 tomorrow.
- 好的 感谢 - 别忘了 - Okay. Thanks. - Don't forget.
噗 Pfft.
哦 哦 真的么？ Oh. Oh, really?
我知道你们的把戏 我不会让你们得逞的 I'm on to you. It's not gonna happen.
任你滥用警笛 我是不会停车的 Abuse that siren all you want. I'm not pulling over.
你们这帮人令我作呕！ You guys make me sick!
是啊 呃 Yeah, uh-huh.
祝你们好运 享用你们的咖啡吧 Good luck! Enjoy the coffee!
拉根水管对着火 Get a line on that fire!
抱歉 先生 你不能站这么近 这样很危险 Excuse me, sir. You can't be this close. It's not safe.
不 不是 这是我的店 No, no. It's my store!
- 哦 天哪 我很抱歉 - 怎么回事？发...发生什么了？ - Oh, jeez, I'm sorry. - What the hell? What, what happened?
在控制住火势之前我们也不清楚 We won't know until we've got it under containment.
我只是希望我们可以早点到现场 I just wish we would have gotten here sooner.
有个混蛋不给鸣笛的火警车让路 Some asshole didn't respect the siren.
嘿！我们找个梯子爬上去掀开屋顶 Hey! Let's get a ladder up and ventilate the roof.
不！不！发生了什么？ No! No! What happened?
乔家摩卡！ Mocha Joe's!
- 你做了什么？ - 我什么都没干 - What did you do? - I didn't do anything.
- 你做了什么？ - 嘿 看啊 我的店也在烧着 - What did you do? - Hey, look, my store's burning, too!
你觉得我做了什么？你是觉得我给自己的店里放了把火？ What do you think I did? You think I burned my store down?
首先 你开了一家敌对店 First you open up a spite store,
然后往我的店里放了把火？哈？ and then you burn my store down? Huh?
我要去起诉你 I'm gonna sue you.
我要起诉你的一切 I'm gonna sue you for everything you got.
等我起诉完你 你就等着破产吧！ When I get through with you, you'll be broke!
- 但这不是我干的！ - 哦 不管是不是你做的 我都不在乎！ - But I didn't do it! - Oh, I don't give a shit if you did it or not!
让法官去判决！听见了么？ We'll let the judge decide! You hear me?
关于你的店我很抱歉 Sorry about your place.
难以置信 是不？ Unbelievable, huh?
我们尽力了 We did the best we could.
试过去砸开其中一个窗户 Tried to break one of the windows out,
再弄些水枪来 但是 get some more hoses in there, but...
所有的桌子都用螺栓固定在地板上 all the tables were bolted to the floor.
是啊 那是为了防止桌子摇晃 Yeah, that's to prevent the table from wobbling.
哦 你 你自己固定的？ Oh, you, you did that yourself?
是啊 我不太喜欢不稳当的桌子 Yeah, I don't like wobbly tables.
你每一张桌子上都有消毒剂 And you had Purell on every table,
可助燃 which is an accelerant.
人们喜欢洗手液 People love the Purell.
也喜欢不晃的桌子 And the tables that didn't wobble.
一般这种情况下 Normally in this situation,
当我们不能砸开窗户来增加水枪数量 if we can't break the windows to get more hoses in,
我们会接上厕所的水源 we'd access the water from the toilets,
但是我们找不到 but we couldn't find them.
- 是啊 这店里没有大便池 - 什么？ - Yeah, there are no toilets. - What?
咖啡是一种利尿剂 你店里竟然没有厕所？ Coffee's a diuretic, and you don't have toilets?
是啊 我不希望任何人在店里上大号 Yeah, I didn't want any defecating in the store.
我们有小便池 We had urinals.
哪？我找过了 Where? I looked in there.
哦 不是 你需要按下按钮 然后有一个斜槽 Oh, no. You gotta press the button. That opens up a chute.
- 什么 就像个秘密的隔间？ - 是啊 有点那个意思 - What, like a secret compartment? - Yeah, kinda.
还有 女士们 她们拉着一根扶手上小号 And, uh, the ladies, they, they hang from a bar.
- 嗯 - 我不明白 我实在搞不懂这个地方 - Yeah. - I don't get it. I don't get anything with this place.
起火原因有说法么？ Any idea how this started?
嗯 看起来储藏间是起火点 Yeah, it looks like it started in the storeroom.
有人把自热杯碰掉了 Someone knocked one of these self-heating cups off a shelf,
然后碰到了纸 杯子开关被碰开了 it hit some papers, turned on,
升温直至点燃 heated up and ignited the papers.
乔伊 Joey.
我就知道那个大老二只会惹麻烦 I knew that big penis was nothing but trouble.
很抱歉 什么？ I'm sorry, what?
我就知道那个大老二只会惹麻烦 I knew that big penis was nothing but trouble.
好的 我猜我听到了你说的 Okay, I guess I heard what you said.
但我不知道你究竟什么意思 I don't know what you're talking about.
啊 这说来话长 Nah, it's a long story.
总之呢 如果我想教别人如何去烧掉一个地方 Anyway, if I was trying to tell someone how to burn a place down,
我会建议人们学你开这店的每一个步骤 I would suggest every step you took in your business.
所以呢 他们可能会调查你 So they're probably gonna investigate you.
你做了很多蠢事 这看起来像是纵火 You did so many stupid things, it looks like arson.
纵火？ Arson?
嘿 拉里 看啊 是拉里大卫 Hey, Larry! Look! It's Larry David!
你好 拉里 Hi, Larry.
我很荣幸你在这 I'm glad you're here.
你知道 我们一直没找到机会 You know, we never got a chance
感谢你让我们买到这房子 to thank you for the house.
我想说 我爱这栋房子 我真喜欢 I mean, we love it. We really do.
我想说 如果不是保险金 I mean, if it wasn't for the insurance money,
- 和诉讼和解 - 嘿 你知道什么？ - and the lawsuit settlements... - Hey, you know what?
正常的礼节是 你开派对 It's customary when people have a party
应该要告知邻里 to inform your neighbors as a courtesy.
好吧 好吧 你说得对 我抱歉 Right, right. You're 100 percent right. I'm sorry.
嘿 拉里 我们正在举行派对 Hey, Larry. We're having a party.
- 哦 我们下周还有个一样的 - 这没错 - Oh, we're having one next week, too. - That's right.
- 我们办什么？我们办什么？ - 我们要办一个烤肉宴 - What are we having? What are we having? - We're having a luau.
- 烤肉宴 - 对不对 博热？ - A luau! - Isn't that right, Bogie?
你知道为啥吗？这就是买敌对房的意义 You know why? Because that's what spite houses are for!
英语字幕来源：opensubtitles.org 字幕翻译与制作：610/Yiran/LadyM/聊无/Crystal/744